The End of the Beginning - Saying Goodbye

Graduating is a funny thing, if you think about it. Lately, my life has sped up, my mind is in shambles, my knees lock and my hands shake. My dreams really do scream insanity. Many highschoolers face this very anxiety; you all know what I'm talking about when I say between your mom jokes and too much spray-on deodorant, "the real world" can’t come fast enough. But the problem is "the real world" for MKs is a bit of a paradox. You see, "the real world" isn't just moving out of the house, getting a job, paying for your own car fare, meals, underwear and toothpaste - it's not just about college. It's about moving to a different part of the world entirely. We must adjust to a new culture, a new time zone, a new way of thinking…all before move-in day.

I am fairly new to this whole MK thing in comparison to most of my TCK buddies (some have only spent 3 years out of their 18-19 in their home country. This is not to mention the four Papua New Guinean seniors who plan to attend four different US universities this September; they have never been to America, and now they will be expected to survive college on their own. Prayers please!) But no matter how “nupela bel” I am, I call PNG my home. Sure, America is my passport country and of course, I look forward to seeing all your beautiful faces when I come back in July, but in all honesty, Papua New Guinea is my resting place. It is where my heart resides. The hills, the gardens, the long (and ferocious, if I might be so frank) rides to Goroka, Lae and Madang, the Highlands smile, the Lowlands pineapple, everything. My heart breaks whenever I think about leaving it all behind.  And besides, when I step onto that plane, I'm not only leaving behind this beauty, I will also be saying goodbye (or "see you soon" as we're calling it) to my boyfriend, a Papua New Guinean who will also be going to the States but attending University nearly 10 hours away. (PS: He treats me like a princess everyday and he will always, always hold a special place in my heart...)

Saying goodbye is going to rip me apart, quite frankly. But some days I feel as though I might actually burst when I think about college on top of it all. I'll be struggling with culture shock (including but not limited to American clothing, carpets, new car smells, high-speed internet and   carton, whole milk) while trying to find my dorm room. I'll be getting my driver's license just days before I commute. I'll be homesick/countrysick/peoplesick by the time my family leaves me alone for the last time.

My life is going to be so different.  

But maybe, saying goodbye is some sort of crazy, messed up blessing-in-disguise, you know? I'm going to be seeing many of my friends again (MKs have this incredible ability to connect and meet years after graduation) but many I will not. I have this indescribable photo of 19 Papua New Guinea orphans who stole my heart on the Missions Trip to Lae City in December. They are some of the most precious faces, and yet, I will not be able to see them again. I co-lead a Bible Study for 7th grade girls and it's full of 7 beautiful young ladies that have filled my heart to overflowing more than once...7 girls I may never see again. My heart is breaking. But heaven is a place where there are no more goodbyes. I like to think of heaven as a Welcome Home party, a celebration full of every person I have ever missed, ever had to say goodbye to. I think it’s gotta be an MK thing.

I am so weak when I have to let people go, but He is my strength. I am incapable of saying farewell alone, but He is my everything. When I have no words to say, He is my voice, He will speak.

When my world is falling apart and I can’t even bother to pick up the pieces,  He is my duct tape. 

I don’t know about any of you reading this stateside, but I have a feeling that my friends in Ukarumpa might be having similar fears and anxieties. Every time you think about us, please pray for peace, understanding, comfort and wisdom. We have played the role of Missionary Kid in one place, now it our time to become Missionaries in another. God help us.

From,
-M

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.

Jeremiah 29:11