A Beautiful Pain and a Saving Grace - Senior Retreat 2014

Bless the Lord Oh my soul, Oh my soul
Worship His Holy Name
Sing like never before, Oh my soul
Worship Your Holy Name 

- Chorus from "10 Thousand Reasons", favorite song of UIS class of 2014

Every morning many of the senior girls would stand out on the porch of the house we were staying in and watch the sunrise come over the vastness of the ocean that lay sprawled out before us. Sometimes they would sing, other times they would pray, sometimes they would simply watch as the sun slowly overtook the sky. I can only truly speak for one time, as mornings hate me and getting out of bed at 9 is hard enough let alone 5:30, but I heard them. And it was beautiful. I was up early enough on the last day to see it in person and on that day, we sang "10,000 Reasons". David, I imagine, had a very similar experience when he wrote Psalm 108. "I will awaken the dawn!" he said. I can picture him standing on a large boulder - in a place only he and God can reach - arms lifted to the heavens and singing to the God of the Universe, watching as his song seemingly lifted the sun from its hiding place. What Majesty our God has set before us. 

**I was going to write about Beautiful Things, a separate devotion we touched on throughout the course of the senior retreat. But in the middle of writing it, news came to me that compelled me to change this blog to the other topic we talked about - suffering. But personally, I believe that suffering and beauty do not have to be separate things. I hope I illustrated that well. I hope I made the right decision in writing 'A Beautiful Pain', may God use this as a guide or comfort to at least one of you reading this.**

But life cannot be meaningful until the sunrises and songs are distant enough that to "go on living" means to walk through the darkness and silence. As human beings, we love our comfort and our luxuries. We like to feel pampered and worry-free. But as Christians, we must realize that that life is not worth living at all. Okay, okay, don't get me wrong, being comfortable is good, having pleasures are good. I'd love if my life was at all worry-free. But what would we be as followers of a persecuted and victorious Jesus, if we never faced suffering ourselves? As another devotion a sponsor shared with us over the course of our senior retreat, suffering is a scary topic. We don't want to be persecuted in any way, we hate the idea of feeling out of place or forgotten. We don't like it that more often than not we have to go through some sort of pain, feeling of inadequacy, failure or trial to learn a lesson. But as hard as it is to hear, suffering is meant to glorify God. Getting through the suffering is not the end of it all either. It is crucial, yes, to walk through the valley of death and simply survive, but there is still the question what you do afterwards. 

God blessed me with an opportunity to grow, will I take it? Or leave it. 

Just hours after spending days on tropical beaches, swimming to desolate islands, stargazing and breathing in ocean air, the reality of a disease-ridden world came knocking at my door. Don't panic, I'm alive and well. I'm still breathing, I can move each of my limbs and the sting from the jellyfish doesn't even hurt anymore. I am okay. But you must realize that the transition between hearing what your parents tell you to actually understanding it is a tough one. Three of the strongest women I have ever known have been infected with a form of cancer. Obliviously, I cannot tell you specifically who these people are, but I do ask - beg, actually - for prayer for these women. Spiritual and physical strength, understanding, peace: this is what they need. Healing too, please, if God so wills to heal such beautiful warriors.

Suffering. 

I find myself asking how this can possibly bring glory to God, how can so much pain be under-control? I want to be angry. I want to question God's motives. I want to say something that it'll make everything go away. I'm not even one of the cancer patients, but I still want to know...why?...

I'd guess that many of you ask similar questions when you go through things like this. And I'll assume that all of you have faced some sort of suffering in your life. But let me voice to you an encouragement that has really spoke to me the past couple of hours (as news a little less than devastating came to my house just hours ago about one of the women in particular). On this side of eternity, life is hard because of two primary reasons: 

1. we sin and we deserve this, and much worse. We are given a choice here whether or not to let this time kill us completely or rejuvenate our faith in our Saving Grace. 

2. suffering gives us a reason to look forward to heaven, a place where there is no threat of death, no weeping and no goodbyes. 

I love these women like I love the dearest of friends. If you are in fact one of them, please know that I have seen you as a role model, even before your diagnosis. I don't think it's by chance 3 of the most influential women in my life have been diagnosed with the same disease (so much so, they probably don't even know it). I know what I want for them. I want them to make it through and live long, happy, comfortable lives. But I also know that I am hopelessly out of control when it comes to my opinion, because I don't know the whole story. I do not know the ultimate outcome. Fortunately, God does. He knows the ins, outs and ups and downs of all our lives. He has the very blueprint of my life laid out in front of him, as He has yours. My desires for these women aren't wrong. I want the best for them and I want to keep learning from their lives as strong Christian women. But I have to realize that my God has something far greater in His plan than I ever could have in mine. It sounds terribly cheesy, I know. But think about it. God sent His Son to die for a fallen world. He died on the cross to save to dying, the lost and the weary. He gave us a hope in that we will see our brothers and sisters in Christ again. We will see their smiles again. Don't ever feel like you have no more hope left, reader. Always, always take comfort in the hope of new life. A new perfection. 

"Look at your classmates smiles today. Each one of them are so different and yet so incredibly beautiful. What makes them happy? What makes them sad or frustrated? Look them in the eyes and really, really enjoy this time you have left with who many have come to call your second family. Embrace these last months because you are meant to be here. You are meant to love these people. And you are meant to say goodbye."

- Paraphrased, abridged and slightly altered devotional one of our sponsors shared with us on the last day of the Retreat 

From, 

-M

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lordis your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.

Psalm 121:3-8

Into the Ashes - Am I Good Enough?

I don't know about you, but some days, I just feel empty. Now don't get me wrong, I have way too much to say that I feel the kind of empty that involves a purposeless and hopeless life. I have an Almighty God that loves me, a beautiful family that gives me a belonging, friends that make me laugh so hard I get a little mini-six-pack every time I'm around them, and I have a wonderful and fantastic boyfriend that looks me in the eye day after day, and tells me "You're beautiful". I guess you could say I have the life many envy. I know that I am blessed, loved and cherished. But I also know that there is a difference between knowing something and living it out. 

I don't feel like I'm doing anything important, saying something worth remembering, giving anything of worth - I don't feel like I'm good enough. I suppose many Christians, adults and teenagers alike, have a similar feeling about their work. And like all of your jobs, mine is complicated. As a missionary kid, senior in high school, Bible Study leader and a loud-mouth dreamer, I fear my life is under constant observation. Sometimes it's overwhelming how impenetrable the wall of eyes are. When will I fail? When will I break?

But it seems as though I am blaming others, but I mean something else entirely. I have also created a wall around myself, one that stands guard over my hopes, dreams, doubts and fears. On the inside I don't want to give it all up, I don't want to risk losing something (or someone) I love. In fact, the feeling very well destroys me. 

Am I hiding behind a mask? 

Am I just pretending? 

If there was no faking, would I be good enough? 

I leave most everything I do and slump, my mind is racing and yet I feel everything but accomplished and fulfilled. Eventually, the feelings of inadequacy and ineptitude begin to gnaw away at my heart. It is as though I never tried anything worth doing. Risk anything worth giving. Sacrifice anything worth life-changing.  I suppose that is why I have distanced myself so completely from the life I began my senior year living. I am caught up in my own life, my own dreams and aspirations, I am too preoccupied (and to be honest, too exhausted) to make a difference in the land God has called me to. I will be leaving soon, my family and my friends will soon be far enough away Facebook will make me homesick. I don't have time to be this self-centered. I don't have time to "get back to it later". 

My time - our time - is now. 

Emptiness kills, vanity destroys and love penetrates deep enough to confuse us completely. Enjoy the life you have been given, but no one ever said that this is all you can be. Break down that wall you have built around your treasures and let God be your treasure, let God be your stronghold and the rest will simply come. 

I'm no genius, I'm not a music prodigy, Bible scholar or cover-girl Barbie doll. Heck, I haven't even graduated from high school. I am no one special. 

But that's where God comes in. He makes me special enough to love.  

From, 

-M

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

The End of the Beginning - Saying Goodbye

Graduating is a funny thing, if you think about it. Lately, my life has sped up, my mind is in shambles, my knees lock and my hands shake. My dreams really do scream insanity. Many highschoolers face this very anxiety; you all know what I'm talking about when I say between your mom jokes and too much spray-on deodorant, "the real world" can’t come fast enough. But the problem is "the real world" for MKs is a bit of a paradox. You see, "the real world" isn't just moving out of the house, getting a job, paying for your own car fare, meals, underwear and toothpaste - it's not just about college. It's about moving to a different part of the world entirely. We must adjust to a new culture, a new time zone, a new way of thinking…all before move-in day.

I am fairly new to this whole MK thing in comparison to most of my TCK buddies (some have only spent 3 years out of their 18-19 in their home country. This is not to mention the four Papua New Guinean seniors who plan to attend four different US universities this September; they have never been to America, and now they will be expected to survive college on their own. Prayers please!) But no matter how “nupela bel” I am, I call PNG my home. Sure, America is my passport country and of course, I look forward to seeing all your beautiful faces when I come back in July, but in all honesty, Papua New Guinea is my resting place. It is where my heart resides. The hills, the gardens, the long (and ferocious, if I might be so frank) rides to Goroka, Lae and Madang, the Highlands smile, the Lowlands pineapple, everything. My heart breaks whenever I think about leaving it all behind.  And besides, when I step onto that plane, I'm not only leaving behind this beauty, I will also be saying goodbye (or "see you soon" as we're calling it) to my boyfriend, a Papua New Guinean who will also be going to the States but attending University nearly 10 hours away. (PS: He treats me like a princess everyday and he will always, always hold a special place in my heart...)

Saying goodbye is going to rip me apart, quite frankly. But some days I feel as though I might actually burst when I think about college on top of it all. I'll be struggling with culture shock (including but not limited to American clothing, carpets, new car smells, high-speed internet and   carton, whole milk) while trying to find my dorm room. I'll be getting my driver's license just days before I commute. I'll be homesick/countrysick/peoplesick by the time my family leaves me alone for the last time.

My life is going to be so different.  

But maybe, saying goodbye is some sort of crazy, messed up blessing-in-disguise, you know? I'm going to be seeing many of my friends again (MKs have this incredible ability to connect and meet years after graduation) but many I will not. I have this indescribable photo of 19 Papua New Guinea orphans who stole my heart on the Missions Trip to Lae City in December. They are some of the most precious faces, and yet, I will not be able to see them again. I co-lead a Bible Study for 7th grade girls and it's full of 7 beautiful young ladies that have filled my heart to overflowing more than once...7 girls I may never see again. My heart is breaking. But heaven is a place where there are no more goodbyes. I like to think of heaven as a Welcome Home party, a celebration full of every person I have ever missed, ever had to say goodbye to. I think it’s gotta be an MK thing.

I am so weak when I have to let people go, but He is my strength. I am incapable of saying farewell alone, but He is my everything. When I have no words to say, He is my voice, He will speak.

When my world is falling apart and I can’t even bother to pick up the pieces,  He is my duct tape. 

I don’t know about any of you reading this stateside, but I have a feeling that my friends in Ukarumpa might be having similar fears and anxieties. Every time you think about us, please pray for peace, understanding, comfort and wisdom. We have played the role of Missionary Kid in one place, now it our time to become Missionaries in another. God help us.

From,
-M

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I'm Just Another Dreamer in Paradise - Why I Decided to Blog

Sup, guys?

...Wait.
Can I start over? Please?


Hi.

As an introduction, I'd like to formally welcome you to my new blog: "An MK Thing" (If you actually needed that sentence, I really do love people like you - you make introducing these sorts of things a whole lot easier. And slightly less awkward....) And for those of you who have either forgotten about us or somehow missed the reason why the Michael family suddenly left America for 3 years, we are working as undercover agents at the Department of... Haha, I'm kidding. Please, I'd love it if you laughed at my less then honorable humor.  Actually, we are serving as a support team for Wyliffe Bible Translators on an island just north of Australia. Papua New Guinea is in the middle of the South Pacific Ocean and is the home of over 850 language groups.

I am nearing the very end of my high school career as well as my time in Papua New Guinea. PNG has become my home and leaving it and all the life-long friends I have been blessed with will be the hardest thing I'll ever do.

This blog will cover my feelings toward wrapping up my life in Ukarumpa, my new experiences as a college student in the midst of culture shock, my frustrations regarding taxes, money, food, hairless men, politics, and everything in between. But most of all, I pray this blog will act as an encouragement to you. I will be fighting battles that may speak to you, I'll have a few victories and a truck-full of failures, I'll have moments of excitement and dread, hope and despair, joy and sadness. I want to use this as a tool to let my readers know that everything, no matter how painful it is in the middle, will turn out just right in the end. I will state my point, don't worry, I'm a writer, stating is what I do. But I am also a Christian and I have faith in the knowledge that God has a plan for me, and every second of every day, I'm just stumbling through the pages of an already written book, anxious to find my Creator. And I will (hopefully) approach my blogs as such.

I hope you enjoy this! Because this is a blog strictly for family and friends, please, if you ever have any questions, comments or if you ever need to vent, please let me know. I'd love to listen.

From
-M