A Beautiful Pain and a Saving Grace - Senior Retreat 2014

Bless the Lord Oh my soul, Oh my soul
Worship His Holy Name
Sing like never before, Oh my soul
Worship Your Holy Name 

- Chorus from "10 Thousand Reasons", favorite song of UIS class of 2014

Every morning many of the senior girls would stand out on the porch of the house we were staying in and watch the sunrise come over the vastness of the ocean that lay sprawled out before us. Sometimes they would sing, other times they would pray, sometimes they would simply watch as the sun slowly overtook the sky. I can only truly speak for one time, as mornings hate me and getting out of bed at 9 is hard enough let alone 5:30, but I heard them. And it was beautiful. I was up early enough on the last day to see it in person and on that day, we sang "10,000 Reasons". David, I imagine, had a very similar experience when he wrote Psalm 108. "I will awaken the dawn!" he said. I can picture him standing on a large boulder - in a place only he and God can reach - arms lifted to the heavens and singing to the God of the Universe, watching as his song seemingly lifted the sun from its hiding place. What Majesty our God has set before us. 

**I was going to write about Beautiful Things, a separate devotion we touched on throughout the course of the senior retreat. But in the middle of writing it, news came to me that compelled me to change this blog to the other topic we talked about - suffering. But personally, I believe that suffering and beauty do not have to be separate things. I hope I illustrated that well. I hope I made the right decision in writing 'A Beautiful Pain', may God use this as a guide or comfort to at least one of you reading this.**

But life cannot be meaningful until the sunrises and songs are distant enough that to "go on living" means to walk through the darkness and silence. As human beings, we love our comfort and our luxuries. We like to feel pampered and worry-free. But as Christians, we must realize that that life is not worth living at all. Okay, okay, don't get me wrong, being comfortable is good, having pleasures are good. I'd love if my life was at all worry-free. But what would we be as followers of a persecuted and victorious Jesus, if we never faced suffering ourselves? As another devotion a sponsor shared with us over the course of our senior retreat, suffering is a scary topic. We don't want to be persecuted in any way, we hate the idea of feeling out of place or forgotten. We don't like it that more often than not we have to go through some sort of pain, feeling of inadequacy, failure or trial to learn a lesson. But as hard as it is to hear, suffering is meant to glorify God. Getting through the suffering is not the end of it all either. It is crucial, yes, to walk through the valley of death and simply survive, but there is still the question what you do afterwards. 

God blessed me with an opportunity to grow, will I take it? Or leave it. 

Just hours after spending days on tropical beaches, swimming to desolate islands, stargazing and breathing in ocean air, the reality of a disease-ridden world came knocking at my door. Don't panic, I'm alive and well. I'm still breathing, I can move each of my limbs and the sting from the jellyfish doesn't even hurt anymore. I am okay. But you must realize that the transition between hearing what your parents tell you to actually understanding it is a tough one. Three of the strongest women I have ever known have been infected with a form of cancer. Obliviously, I cannot tell you specifically who these people are, but I do ask - beg, actually - for prayer for these women. Spiritual and physical strength, understanding, peace: this is what they need. Healing too, please, if God so wills to heal such beautiful warriors.

Suffering. 

I find myself asking how this can possibly bring glory to God, how can so much pain be under-control? I want to be angry. I want to question God's motives. I want to say something that it'll make everything go away. I'm not even one of the cancer patients, but I still want to know...why?...

I'd guess that many of you ask similar questions when you go through things like this. And I'll assume that all of you have faced some sort of suffering in your life. But let me voice to you an encouragement that has really spoke to me the past couple of hours (as news a little less than devastating came to my house just hours ago about one of the women in particular). On this side of eternity, life is hard because of two primary reasons: 

1. we sin and we deserve this, and much worse. We are given a choice here whether or not to let this time kill us completely or rejuvenate our faith in our Saving Grace. 

2. suffering gives us a reason to look forward to heaven, a place where there is no threat of death, no weeping and no goodbyes. 

I love these women like I love the dearest of friends. If you are in fact one of them, please know that I have seen you as a role model, even before your diagnosis. I don't think it's by chance 3 of the most influential women in my life have been diagnosed with the same disease (so much so, they probably don't even know it). I know what I want for them. I want them to make it through and live long, happy, comfortable lives. But I also know that I am hopelessly out of control when it comes to my opinion, because I don't know the whole story. I do not know the ultimate outcome. Fortunately, God does. He knows the ins, outs and ups and downs of all our lives. He has the very blueprint of my life laid out in front of him, as He has yours. My desires for these women aren't wrong. I want the best for them and I want to keep learning from their lives as strong Christian women. But I have to realize that my God has something far greater in His plan than I ever could have in mine. It sounds terribly cheesy, I know. But think about it. God sent His Son to die for a fallen world. He died on the cross to save to dying, the lost and the weary. He gave us a hope in that we will see our brothers and sisters in Christ again. We will see their smiles again. Don't ever feel like you have no more hope left, reader. Always, always take comfort in the hope of new life. A new perfection. 

"Look at your classmates smiles today. Each one of them are so different and yet so incredibly beautiful. What makes them happy? What makes them sad or frustrated? Look them in the eyes and really, really enjoy this time you have left with who many have come to call your second family. Embrace these last months because you are meant to be here. You are meant to love these people. And you are meant to say goodbye."

- Paraphrased, abridged and slightly altered devotional one of our sponsors shared with us on the last day of the Retreat 

From, 

-M

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lordis your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.

Psalm 121:3-8